Receiving an STI diagnosis can feel unsettling. And that is completely normal. But you are not alone: these infections are common and, in most cases, treatable.
When you test positive for an STI such as chlamydia, gonorrhea or syphilis, it is important to inform your recent partners. Even if the conversation may feel uncomfortable, it is ultimately an act of respect and protection, both for yourself and for them.
In this article, we explain why, when, how, and with whom to have this conversation, along with simple advice and resources to help you.
Why Tell Your Partners About a Positive Result
After receiving a diagnosis of chlamydia, gonorrhea, or syphilis, it can be tempting to quietly follow your treatment and move on. The issue is that you may not be the only person affected. One or more of your partners could also be infected without knowing it. Since most STIs are asymptomatic, someone can feel completely fine while still carrying an infection. Giving someone the opportunity to get tested and treated, if needed, helps to:
- Limit STI Transmission Without knowing it, an infected person may pass the infection on to other partners and continue the chain of transmission.
- Reduce the risk of complications Some untreated STIs can lead to long-term complications, even when there are no symptoms.
- Reduce the risk of reinfection If a partner is infected and does not receive the necessary treatment, you could become reinfected after completing your own treatment.
Telling your partners is not about blaming anyone or trying to find someone at fault. STIs are part of sexually active life, and they can affect anyone. Having this conversation is about giving the other person the chance to get tested, receive treatment if needed, and avoid complications.
Yes, the conversation can feel uncomfortable. Even vulnerable. But it also sends a powerful message: I take my sexual health seriously, and I care about yours too.
When To Talk About It: Take Early Action to Care for Everyone
In general, the sooner after the diagnosis, the better. The faster partners are informed, the sooner they can get tested and, if needed, receive treatment. This helps reduce complications and limit transmission. Delaying the conversation, on the other hand, increases the risk that the infection will continue to spread.
Who to Tell: The People You Should Notify
In practice, it is recommended to inform your current and recent sexual partners, meaning the people you have had sexual contact with during a specific period before the diagnosis. The exact timeframe varies depending on the STI and public health recommendations.
- For chlamydia and gonorrhea, it is generally recommended to notify partners from the past 60 days.
- For syphilis, the period to cover depends on the stage of the infection.1 The best thing to do is confirm with a healthcare professional how far back you should go when notifying partners.
Note: if you have not had any partners during the relevant period, you should instead notify your most recent partner.2
Your healthcare professional can tell you exactly how far back to go based on the STI diagnosed and your personal history. They are a good resource to help you know whom to contact and avoid uncertainty.
How to Tell a Partner You Have an STI
Telling a partner you have an STI is never an easy conversation. It is normal to feel stressed or awkward about bringing it up. The goal is not to find the perfect words, but to communicate the information clearly, respectfully, and kindly.
Finding The Right Way to Communicate
Choose the method that feels right for you. Some people prefer to talk in person or over the phone, especially when there is an established relationship of trust. Others feel more comfortable sending a message, since it allows them to be clear without the pressure of an immediate reaction.
According to Mariane Gilbert, sexologist and sexual health content coordinator at Les 3 sex*, if you are unsure of the best way to share a positive diagnosis, you can ask yourself these two questions: “What would make me feel most comfortable?” and “Given the context of my relationship with this person, what makes the most sense?”
There are also anonymous tools, such as online services that let you notify a partner by text or email without revealing your identity. In some cases, public health authorities can also notify partners on your behalf in a confidential way. You do not have to do it all on your own.
- Notifying your partners with Portail VIH
Portail VIH can help you anonymously notify your partners by text message. You simply provide the phone number of the person concerned, along with the STI or STIs to report. They do not keep any identifying information about you or the people being notified. Partners are usually notified within 24 to 48 hours.
- Using a notification card
Available in PDF format, the notification card → is a tool designed to help inform your partners. It includes essential information such as the STI involved, the importance of getting tested even in the absence of symptoms, and information on prevention, transmission, symptoms, and treatment. The card does not contain any personal information that could identify you. However, it is usually up to the diagnosed person to share it with their partners.
- Local public health / public health team
Regional public health services can sometimes help with partner notification. Some may contact partners without revealing your identity, encouraging them to get tested or seek care. This support may be available through Info-Santé 811 or through your healthcare professional.
What to Say to Your Partners
Whatever method you choose, your tone makes all the difference. The goal is not to accuse or justify yourself, but to share important information. A simple and empathetic approach often helps ease the tension. For example, it can help to acknowledge that the conversation may be uncomfortable while making it clear that your intention is to protect everyone’s health.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe before sending the message or making the call. Writing down what you want to say ahead of time, or talking it through with a healthcare professional, can also help you feel more prepared.
You do not need to go into every detail. Keeping it simple is often what works best.3
- the name of the infection;
- the fact that someone can be infected even without symptoms;
- the importance of getting tested quickly to avoid transmission and complications.
It can also be reassuring to have some useful information ready, such as where to get tested or which resources to turn to. At Prelib, we offer confidential, fast STI testing, and we also provide information on different STIs right here →). Ça montre que tu partages l’info dans une démarche de soin, pas de reproche.
Tips to Cope With the Situation
Even when you know what to say and whom to tell, taking action can still feel difficult. Notifying your partners often takes courage: you cannot control the timing, the other person’s reaction, or how the conversation will unfold.
Taking a moment to ground yourself before and after these conversations can make a real difference. Reminding yourself that STIs are common, usually treatable, and part of the realities of sexual life can help put the situation into perspective.
Here are a few things to keep in mind to help you move through this step more calmly:
- Take care of your sexual self-esteem : receiving a diagnosis does not call into question your ability to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life. If you have just learned your result, you can read our article What to do when you receive a positive STI diagnosis → for a step-by-step guide. “If you are looking for emotional support, there are platforms like Reddit where you can connect anonymously with people going through something similar. That can be a real source of comfort,” Mariane also points out.
- Prepare for different reactions : some people will be grateful, others surprised or worried. Try to stay calm and stick to the facts. Everyone reacts in their own way and in their own time.
- Think about what comes next : after treatment, talking about regular testing and safer sex practices can help strengthen trust and create a greater sense of safety.
In the end, going through this situation is also part of a proactive approach to health: learning, communicating, and taking care of yourself and others without judgment.
